Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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