You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
