He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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