Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
