love makes seman taste better
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
