That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Randomize
