if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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