I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
