There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
