i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
