I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
birth control should be required to get into college
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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