i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
