There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
