im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
