Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
