I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
