Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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