Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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