i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
