; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
