No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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