After last night, I could never be a politician.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
