On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
