Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
