quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
