They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
