If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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