Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
