Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
