I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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