If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
