I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
