mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
