Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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