What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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