mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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