Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
