every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
