I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
