Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
