I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
