Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
