im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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