so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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