think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
