thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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