Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Randomize
