you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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