Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
