I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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