I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
