Your mouth is God's brothel.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize
