You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
