At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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